The premise: we survived homeroom, we survived our 20s, and now we're tracking BMI,
waistlines, and resting heart rate like it's fantasy football — except the season never ends and there's
only one way to get eliminated. Rankings update as guys report numbers (or get ratted out at reunions).
Trash talk is mandatory. So is the annual physical. May the odds be ever slightly in your favor.
Standings
Click any column header to sort. Longevity Score is 0–100, higher is better (i.e. higher = more likely to be at the 50th reunion). It's not medical advice. It's barely math. It's mostly motivation.
| Name | Age | BMI | Waist (in) | Weight (lb) | Resting HR | Weekly Cardio (min) | Longevity Score | Kalshi Odds |
|---|
The Rubric
- BMI — classic and flawed, but everyone loves to argue about it. Weighted 20%.
- Waist size — the number that doesn't lie at Thanksgiving. Weighted 25%.
- Weight trend — direction matters more than the number. Weighted 15%.
- Resting heart rate — lower is better, unless you're just dead, in which case it's zero and you lose. Weighted 20%.
- Weekly cardio minutes — self-reported, wildly exaggerated, weighted 20% anyway.
Longevity Score is a composite of the above, scaled 0–100. Kalshi Odds is the betting market's current read on each contestant's "still standing at the 50th reunion" contract — informal, for entertainment, and updated whenever someone feels like doing the math after beers.
Rules of the Pool
- Report your numbers honestly. Lying to the deadpool is lying to yourself, and also everyone will find out.
- Trash talk encouraged. Actual malice not tolerated — we're rooting for each other to lose this bet as long as possible.
- Last man standing collects the pot and gets to write everyone else's eulogy jokes.
- Improving your score mid-season (i.e. actually getting healthier) is not just allowed, it's the whole point.